Chapter 29 | 'Shut-up, or else.'

Ours, was an emotionally dissimulating family. Confrontations were considered an otherwise lethal weapon and even general conversation had its thresholds.

We grew up eating supper on the floor, as was the habit of Prophet Muhammad [Peace Be Upon Him]. It was a focal part of our day, where we sat together as a family and force-fed ourselves with the rhythm of polite conversation.

It wasn't so much a matter of not having anything to say to each other but rather the restriction that came with having Papa in our midst. We’d sit, separated by our ta’li’s (a ta’li being a circular plate large enough to be used by three or more people), one ta’li for the girls and one ta’li for the boys, three of us on either side of the mat, eating from the side closest to us. A salt shaker, a bottle of water, two containers of achaar, and a glass for each of us were the only things placed in between.

Food, supper time more-so, was merely a supplement that sustained my being. Nothing more. Even then, I was the most talkative. I’d recount the occurrences of my day, filled it with hilarious antics, and sometimes exaggerated, colouring an otherwise plain script.

Papa hated dinner-table discussions, ‘Did you read your dua (before eating)?’ he’d interject, staring at us unsettlingly.

We’d continue chatting, but this time without the initial vigour, knowing that the conversation would soon be halted. Then, the Professor-of-dinner-table-discussions would once again resort to silencing us; ‘Read Bismillah. There is no need to speak. All this unnecessary talk is a frivolous waste of time. Rather make Dhikr.’

In other words, ‘shut-up or else.’

And just like that the conversation dissipated.

With that said, we’d hurriedly stuff food in our mouth. Alternating between breathing and simultaneously suffocating ourselves, in an attempt to disentangle our bodies from a build-up of contempt.

The table was cleared up as swiftly as possible, I’d wash all the supper dishes, Miya would wipe the counter tops and pack everything else away and then we’d retreat to our room.