16/07/2004
So much has happened since I last wrote to you and the
holidays are almost over.
The stoop outside of the kitchen was large enough to be
built into a scullery. Papa would never have approved of this (even though he
wasn’t contributing monetarily) and so Mama contacted the builders, drafted up
a plan and a foundation was established. It took a two feet high wall for Papa
to eventually notice and thus began another fight (entertainment, free of
charge).
Papa told Mama to break down the wall, Mama thought he was really
acting childish (which he was) and phoned Uncle Yasser who was of no help at
all.
That’s when the undercover operation was set in motion. Daddi had
gone to Benoni to stay by Aunty Surayya and so that meant her house was
currently unoccupied. When Papa gets angry he is unapologetically abusive. And
so, Uncle Majeed told us to stay there till he got here to sort everything out.
We stayed there for three days without Papa having any idea
where we were. He came home from work to find us all gone and since Daddi
wasn’t there he thought the house had been locked by her and assumed we had
gone to Nani.
Despite the situation it was the most fun I had in a long
while. We read 41 Yaseen’s every night, prayed our salaah together and even
went to bed early. Unafraid of the repercussions that would follow. But with
Papa there were always repercussions, even when the fault wasn’t yours to bear.
I realized then how much I despised Papa. It wasn’t because
he restricted us from so much (though so many people seemed to have assumed
that as the sole reason) but because he was so distant from us. I called him
Papa simply because I was trained to do so but he was nothing like a father. He
bemoaned our every action and there was nothing that we did in which he didn’t
disapprove of.
Papa says that he will never change. I don’t understand how
someone can be so arrogant to behave as if they are always in the right. How is
it that consciousness isn’t an attribute that resides in every one of us.
Haven’t YOU said that man is different from animals in that you’ve granted them
intelligence and the ability to decipher right from wrong?
Papa is so adamant that he is right and everybody else is in
the wrong. I don’t know how Mama has been able to tolerate it all for 17 years.
The indifference, the silent treatment, the narcissism, the abuse. It is
unacceptable that one person has to deal with so much.
So that’s what took up the 1st week and most of
the 2nd week of the holidays. Now we’re simply living our everyday
with a half built wall, waiting for Papa to make it seem as if though it was
‘all his idea’ in the first place.
I just wish Papa could understand that the aspect of change
doesn’t signify vulnerability, it shows strength in growth.
All this talk has exhausted me
Chat soon
Ta
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